Supply: © Daniel Rosenhaft

In 2013, Amy Bleuel based the faith-based nonprofit Mission Semicolon, which selected a semicolon as an emblem as a result of it’s “used when an writer might’ve chosen to finish their sentence however selected to not. The writer is you and the sentence is your life.”

I bought my semicolon tattoo in Could 2019 on the one-year anniversary of my stroke, and after rescuing my canine Shelby from a kill shelter in Mississippi. I’d been toying with the thought of getting the semicolon tattoo for a few years because it was a motion devoted to presenting hope and like to these fighting despair, suicide, habit, and self-injury — and I’d been via my share of every.

On the time I used to be working for a conservative company, coming face-to-face with shoppers, and I hesitated to get the tattoo on my wrist, the place many individuals had been having it positioned. Lastly, I made a decision to have it placed on the nape of my neck, the place it might be hidden or seen relying on the size of my hair.

On account of my quite a few medical points, I’ve, along with my main care doctor, most likely about 10 specialists, a few of whom, relying on their specialty, have considered my tattoo. Sometimes, she, or particularly he, doesn’t count on me to have a tattoo in any respect, so he’ll specific shock. After I clarify what the semicolon tattoo stands for, clearly I’m taking a danger in revealing my historical past. I’ve my psychiatric meds on my record of medicines to allow them to make the belief I undergo or have suffered from despair, however as soon as I clarify the which means of the semicolon tattoo and use phrases similar to despair, suicide, and self-injury, the danger for judgment will increase exponentially.

One time I used to be seeing a brand new physician, a specialist in Lyme illness (which I turned out to not have), and he requested if I minded if a few medical college students had been within the room. I nearly all the time say I don’t thoughts as a result of, as a social employee, I needed to be taught at one level, too. When this physician commented on my tattoo and I defined what it meant, I seized the second to coach the medical college students: “Despair is probably the most painful sickness I’ve ever handled. Out of all the things I’ve been recognized with, despair harm probably the most.”

I didn’t count on them to say something, however I needed to make them suppose and I consider I did. I solely noticed that physician as soon as, but when it’s a physician I see regularly, relying on how she — and now it’s normally a she — reacts to my tattoo and the reason, I would reveal extra of my historical past.

Dr. P., the headache specialist who treats my migraines, is solely one of many nicest medical doctors and probably the most real ladies I’ve met. The injections she offers me contain the again of my neck and my shoulder so she was one of many first medical doctors to see my tattoo. She can also be extremely good: She has each an MD and a Ph.D., and is board licensed in psychiatry and neurology. I felt as if I might belief her and at one level I made a decision to disclose to her I’d been recognized with borderline persona dysfunction. Her response was gratifying: “You’re kidding.”

I defined to her I had the nice fortune of getting each intensive dialectical conduct remedy (DBT) and transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP) with a talented psychiatrist who had been instrumental in my restoration. At one level, I used to be seeing Dr. P. each two weeks, getting nerve blocks and set off level injections, however the insurance coverage stopped masking these. Now I get Botox injections for my migraines each three months so it’s like a mini-reunion once I see her.

There are different medical doctors who’ve seen my tattoo, to whom I’d by no means take that danger. It’s unlucky that I really feel that method about them. Name it a sixth sense and a raffle I’m not prepared to take with my hard-won psychological well being.

Thanks for studying.

Andrea